A Note of Congrats to our Republican Brethren

by Elaine Gilmartin

Yes, congratulations on this past week’s victory! How proud you must be!
Yes, yes, it is hard and thirsty work to defy conventional wisdom on the merits of a valid and thorough trial. Not so easy to swallow any sense of values and commitment to truth and oath of office, not so easy to choke out that ‘Not guilty’ with a tenuous smile on your face, no, not at all. But you did it! Kudos to my Republican brethren!

And so what have we won?…drum roll, please!

Well, firstly, you parted ways with your pesky soul and that conscience that won’t shut up. No need to drag them around and keep you up at night.

Then, of course, you dodged that Twitter bullet aimed right at your political future. God knows how much it would suck to have to find work that involves pride and honor. Ew.

Think of all those endless fundraiser dinners for Trump you will get to attend as he spews out his venom at his fellow countrymen and women all the while heaping adoring praise upon himself. And to think the rest of us have to miss that. Awww.

You will have endless fun coming up with creative ways to avoid your constituents as they discover they have been dropped by their insurance companies, that their medications now rival their rent payments, and that recent gaffe Trump made about ending social security was not a gaffe at all. Bonus!